Doc Pruyne

Why do I write? To be the perfect ham sandwich.

When I was a little boy I had a crewcut and a beer belly. My mother went to church, she didn't let me drink beer. It was potato chips. I was a potato chip piggy in front of the boob tube. Then one night, instead of watching "Lost in Space" I went to my desk and began to write...and something odd happened. I saw myself, as I wrote at my desk, from five feet behind my right shoulder.

No kidding, I saw myself...from outside of myself. It was an out-of-body experience and it was neat.

I'm not a nut job. Many years later -- including two centuries of therapy -- I learned that it was part of me, my witnessing consciousness, slipping free of my body.

It happens more often when people are being creative. I heard the actor, Alan Arkin, describe a similar out-of-body experience he had once, on the stage. When I began talking about my experiences I learned that many people have these "slippages".

It terms of sandwiches, it's like the ham unsticking itself from the mayo, slipping out from between the slices of bread and floating in mid-air. Who woulda thunk it? Like I said, it happens to a lot of people. It's part of being human.

I was onto something that made me feel good. Whole and serene. Timeless and in the flow. I pursued that state, that timeless self, through meditation, study and writing...and through beer, drugs and sex. Beer, drugs and sex are a writer's pencil, essential to his craft, necessary for his muse.

Ahem. Maybe.

Through practice and study I came to some understanding of spiritual matters. I learned that I am more than the voice in my head. I learned, no joke, that I am a witness to the rise and fall of all things, the rhythmic breathing of what is timeless.

You can too. Just open your eyes and do not think. It'll happen, you'll experience It.

I've been pulled back together by my experiences of It. Nope, my ham isn't floating in mid-air anymore. I am one solid sandwich. Why? Over forty years after I first sat down at my desk, I'm still writing.

When I write I am a tool for the expression of the timeless. I work to give it a presence in my novels. I can't judge whether I succeed, that's your job; but I do hope you're entertained and given food for thought. I hope you write me a good review -- but to tell you the truth I've already got all the real goodies I can get.

While I'm almost as graceful as a pig on roller skates, when I'm writing it's a whole 'nother story. I'm in the flow. I'm in a state of grace, I'm doing God's work. No drugs, no beer, no potato chips, yet I feel timeless, serene and whole.

Can't deny it. When I'm writing I'm all there, my ham and mayo are in the bread. I feel like the perfect ham sandwich.