Florence St. John

For years, I floated through life not knowing why I had low self-esteem and a fear of being alone. My journey took me down many roads in an effort to understand the basis of my personality and inability to maintain healthy relationships. An alcoholic father and an absent mother have nurtured the roots of my codependency and the need for love and acceptance. This need has followed me through major events in my life.

One day my father wrote me a letter. It included a poem, which triggered my curiosity, and he agreed to tell me the story of his childhood. By disclosing his dysfunctional roots, I gained insight into his character and was able to put things in perspective. It didn’t change who he was as a father, but it gave me a better understanding of the man.

After getting entangled with a sociopath, I was forced to take a look at myself and the reasons why I was susceptible to such a person. It took me on a journey to discover my own codependency issues, which spilled over from childhood. Unhealthy relationships with family and partners seemed to be a constant in my life, starting with my parents, my children and my thirty-year marriage have given me plenty of material. I've begun writing psychological memoirs, which help me to understand the dynamics of my relationships. It is my hope that someone who is going through the same issues, will find solace in the fact that they are not alone and that my experiences may even help someone to get on the road to healing.

Now, I’m at the crossroads of healing. I could not have gotten here without looking back at the past and I will always be grateful to my father for sharing his life.

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