Charlotte Godfrey

My first horse was Grandpop's mule, Maggie, who I jumped bareback - until Pop found me breathless and flat on my back on the ground after jumping an obstacle under Granny's wire clothesline. When Pop ascertained that I wasn't decapitated, he forbade me to jump and bought me a horse who tried to kill me in other ways. That horse, who knew several ways of getting rid of children, taught me about herd behavior and dressage.

My next horse, after a child, college, marriage, divorce and re-marriage (in that order, but repeat a few steps...) was a Quarter Horse named Oliver, who was obtained by black-mailing my husband and threatening the owner.

After I added 2 more horses to the board bill, my husband decided that it would be cheaper and more tax-advantageous to buy property and build our own boarding stable! He built a barn, purchased a horse trailer, dug a pond, constructed an outdoor arena, an indoor arena, more stalls...and so on...

Running a boarding stable proved to be such a delightful way to lose money that, after my divorce, I and 2 unfortunate partners: Mike and my mother, Milly, joined up to buy an even bigger boarding stable. In a two-year period, I had 2 convicted felons, 2 child molesters, 2 animal hoarders, 1 whacked-out psycho and 4 work applicants who were receiving public assistance payments and wanted to be paid “under the table” so they wouldn't mess up their free money.

None of the above worked out. You can find me now at Scribbles, Stories and Books on Facebook.