Thomas Chittum

I have a long and glorious military record including the one hundred plus orders, gongs and decorations listed below. I was a rifleman in the 173rd. Airborne Brigade in Vietnam in 1965 and 1966. I am now retired and live in the Pacific Northwest.

All the 107 Gongs won by Chitsey during his year in the Rock n Roll Slaughterhouse:

The "Don't Shoot Motherfer(s)" Gong

The "Sorry 'Bout That" Taking Ears Gong

The Acey Duecy Wild Bill Hickock Gong, Second Class

The Almost Blown to Hell by Your Own Pot-Head Booby Traps Gong.

The Article 15 Bad Conduct Gong

The Artillery Walk Gong

The Ass Kisser Gong, First Class

The AWOL Gong

The B-52 Shaking the Ground Like Jello Gong

The Badge for not Giggling During a Lecture by a Saigon Commando

The Barfing in Combat Gong

The Black Market Money Changing Gong

The Black Ops Secret Mission Gong

The Bullet Magnet Gong, First Class

The Bushed and Shot to Pieces Gong, el Classo Firsto and Awardos Mucho

The C-Ration Memorization Gong

The Camo Your Foxhole So Your Buddies Won't Frag You Gong

The Carpet Dancing Gong

The Cherry Gong

The Combat Promoted Useless Piece of Shit Gong

The Coping Zs in the Bush Gong

The Crack of Death Gong

The Crazy Foxhole Buddy Gong

The Crispy Critter Badge, Second Class

The Desertion Gong, Third Class

The Ding Dong Concussion Gong, Multiple Awards

The Dixie 2.0 I Saw a Coffel Badge

The Down to Your Last Magazine Gong

The Drinking Paddy Water Gong

The Faking Sick Call SLLBCC Gong

The Following a Blood Trail Gong, Second Class

The Forgotten War Gong

The Fortuna Gong of Kosmic and Karmic Justice

The Frag the Motherfer Gong

The Frag Trick Gong

The Friendly Fire Gong

The F You Lizard All Fing Night Gong.

The F You Motherfer BLAM BLAM BLAM Gong

The Gen. Ripper "That Was Nice Shooting, Soldier" Gong

The Glorious Imperial Red, White and Blue Big Shit Sandwich Gong

The Glorious Order and Ancient International Brotherhood of Military Thieves

The Gong for Third Place in a Cannibal Blood Chugging Contest

The Hallelujah It's a Miracle Gong (for catching the Sky Pilot at the Top Hat)

The Hallucinating in Combat Gong

The Helmet Bath Gong

The Helping Prisoners Escape When You Should be Guarding Them Gong

The Highest IQ in the Battalion Gong

The Hot LZ Gong

The I Bayoneted a Motherfer in Combat Gong

The I Been Pissed on for America Gong

The I Didn't Borrow From Money Lenders Gong

The I Didn't Help Beat up a Pacifist Medic Gong

The I Didn't Shoot any Monkeys Gong

The I Didn't Snitch on Nobody (for free) Gong

The I Don't Know But I've Been Told Gong

The I Endured an Old-Fashioned Boot Camp Gong

The I Knew a Guy Who Knew Elvis Gong

The I Saw a Big Fing Snake Gong

The I Saw a Tiger Cage Gong

The I Saw an Aircraft get Shot Down Gong

The I Saw Some CIA Guys Gong

The I stood in a line in a Whorehouse Gong

The I Survived US Army Rifle Training Gong

The I Tried to Blow Up the Ft. Puke Officers' Club Gong

The I Was Almost Eaten by an Alligator Gong

The Impersonating Another Soldier Gong

The International Brotherhood of Drunken Tank-Stealing Joyriders

The Jumping from a Hovering Chopper with an Eighty Pound Pack Gong

The Kill or be Killed Gong

The Leaping Leroy Dustoff Gong

The Lt. Wolfe "I Don't Give a Flying F Anymore!" Gong

The Military Bar Brawling Gong

The Miracle of the Loaves and Fishes Gong AKA the Stealing From Merchants Gong

The Missing a Promotion Due to Drunkenness Gong

The Mucho Ammo Humpus Gongus

The My Ears Always Whistle Like a Tea Kettle Gong

The Off-Limits Bar Gong

The Order of the Bamboo Drop Zone of Certain Shis Kabob Death

The Order of the Bum Barracks

The Order of the Fort Puke Glue Huffers and Ghost Bus Riders.

The Order of the Latrine Burners

The Order of the Mules of Marius Hump Gong

The Order of the Opium Den

The Order of the Pinche Puta Madre Chinga Pendejo Cabron Grande

The Order of the Rebar

The Order of the Stoned Latrine Rats

The Order of the Switchblade and the Mohawk

The Order of the Vung Tau Cannibals

The Order of the Zippo

The Paranoid Schizophrenic Gong

The Point Man Gong

The Puff the Magic Dragon Gong

The Rambo Charge While on Booze, Weed and Pills Gong

The Robin Hood Gong

The Running Gook Gong

The Sgt. Bilko Order of the Gold Brick Gong

The Sgt. O'Neill Hiding Behind the Bodies of Your Dead Buddies Gong

The Shaking Hands Gong

The Socratic Gong of Practical Military Wisdom, AKA the Running for Your Life Gong

The Statute of Limitations Consideration Gong

The Stinking Uniform Zombie Award

The Stockadium Gong, with Barbed Wire Wreath

The Tattoo Parlor Purple Heart

The Taxpayers Can Line Up and Suck My Million Dollar Dick Gong

The Thrown Out of the Tent by Your Buddies for Being a Drunken Vomiting Pig Gong

The Usual Suspect Gong

The Vodka Gong AKA the Count Lustig Gong

The Wag the Dog Gong (Cronkite)

The Watermelon Head Gong

The Wiley Coyote Goes Airborne Jump Wings

The X-Files Gong

The Ye Old Kick 'Em in the Gerbils and Run Like Hell Gong

The Yo Ho Ho Order of the Vulture Gong