Terri Lanahan

My name is Terri, and I was born in 1960. Both parents were in my life, and I had an older brother. My dad worked two jobs, and my mom was a stay at home mom. My brother was two years older than me. My dad was an alcoholic, and it caused a lot of problems in their marriage. There was always a lot of fighting. Mostly yelling but sometimes it got physical.

My mom was always the more violent one in the family. On one occasion she broke a beer bottle over his head, and he needed stitches. They say we learn what we live. My brother was very abusive toward me. When I was three days old, he pulled me off the bed, and I quit breathing and had to be rushed to the hospital. As an infant and toddler, he would pull my hair and pinch me. Anything to make me cry. At the age of 4, he put my head through a glass bookcase, and I needed stitches.

When we got older, the abuse got worse. It was also verbal abuse at this time. My first memory of being sexually abused by an uncle was when I was three, and he continued to molest me until I was eight. Then I was sexually abused by another uncle at 15. I began to drink alcohol and do drugs ( mostly marijuana) at 15, and it was the first of many times that I tried to kill myself.

I didn't receive any help until I was 26 when I had my first flashback and trigger. I went to treatment. At treatment, I learned terms and conditions that explained what was happening to me. What I was suffering from was PTSD, anxiety and depression, flashbacks and triggers. Finally, I thought there was hope for me. I continued to drink and did prescription drugs to sedate and medicate. I finally realized I needed to quit drinking and doing drugs. For a long time, they were my solution. I could drink and take drugs, and it kept me numb. But then they quit working and started to intensify all my feelings. So I joined AA.

There was a long road to healing and recovery ahead of me. Now I have an amazing life free from all the memories of abuse. I live a life that I could only dream of, and I owe it all to my recovery.