Wollnik, Deborah Eustace

I am an overcomer of severe past emotional and physical abuse which I strongly oppose, praise the Lord, and have gained extensive experience. Abuse stems from selfish desires.

CO-DEPENDENCY, ABUSE, AND ADDICTIONS describes several types of destructive relationship patterns, also abuse and addictions that leave a trail of devastation behind. Dysfunctional families or relationships are fraught with co-dependency, addiction, emotional, verbal, physical, sexual, child abuse, violence, and many broken relationships due to the absence of safe boundaries. These traits are akin to a millstone around the neck, dragging the child toward the same sinful patterns as their dysfunctional parents.

Abuse is a word most people tend to shy away from, and in all honesty, we all are guilty of abuse at some level. And this is because of our sinful nature. We all fall short of God's command to love others unconditionally. Abuse is a learned behavior. Abusing someone or substances is not a person's behavior walking in fellowship with the Lord.

Any relationship plagued by abuse or addictive behaviors will eventually have to choose one of three paths: • The abuser admits fault, sees his or her behavior as harmful, and changes. • The abused person walks away, at least temporarily to seek out counseling. • The abuse is allowed to continue indefinitely, to the harm of both parties. The most extreme cure for abuse is separation. The abuser or addict will only change through genuine repentance and God's saving grace. A person who can understand the nature of their sin will feel godly sorrow that leads to repentance, salvation, and a clear conscience. Change is a personal choice that we must seek.

AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY I strongly oppose, praise the Lord, and have gained extensive experience. The abuse stems from selfish desires. Furthermore, I have in the past been involved in prison and orphan ministries. As a Christian, I believe that the Bible is the final authority on all things and not man and thus believe in Nouthetic (Biblical) counseling when it comes to seeking answers to our everyday problems.” Jesus the Word” brings healing to those who go in search of the truth that will set them free.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 (KJV) says, “All scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works”

MOTIVATION: What motivates my writing first and foremost is to glorify our loving and merciful Triune God. Reaching out to the lost, broken-hearted, and downtrodden by planting seeds that point people to Christ His only begotten Son who came to set the captives free is indeed a worthy cause, of which forms part of the great commission. Once set free, you are free indeed.

FORGIVENESS: If you want to emulate Jesus, be the one who stays, when others turn their backs. Be the one who forgives, even in times when it is undeserved. Be the one who shows grace when everyone else is throwing stones. Be the one to show love, even when they betray you, just as Jesus did, “Father forgive them, they know not what they do…” (Luke 23:24)

Some of the characteristics of emotional abuse: Verbal Abuse Verbal abuse is psychological or mental abuse that involves verbalized, gestured or written language directed at a victim. Verbal abuse can include the act of provoking, labeling, demeaning, scolding, admonishing, and excessive yelling toward an individual. Criticism: A critical spirit finds fault with everything others do that does not agree with them. They make severe or negative judgments of others without having all the facts. Overly critical people have a "one-standard" mindset. They criticize you for not living up to their standard and thus project their greatest fears onto you. We are to live according to God's standards. Period. Favoritism: Favoritism is methodically giving positive, favored treatment to one child, subordinate, or colleague among a family unit or in a group of peers. We all have favorites, for no two relationships in this world are alike. God has no favorites. Emotional manipulation: Emotional manipulation uses deception, flattery, or love bombing to set up a victim to be misused and abused, controlled, or to win over others to one's advantage. At its worst, it is the smooth talk of insincere con artists, frauds, and impostors, who disrespect moral principles, deceive, and take advantage of others' vulnerability and naivety. Deception or falsehood: Deception or falsehood is an act or declaration which misleads, hides the truth, or promotes a false belief, concept, or idea. It is frequently done for personal gain or advantage. Deception can involve dishonesty, false information, sleight of hand, distraction, smokescreen, or cover-up. Threats: Threats are a statement made to inflict pain, injury, damage, or other hostile action on someone in retribution for something done or not done. Insults: Insult is when a person is disrespectful or scornfully passes an abusive remark or act. Neglect: Neglect is a form of ill-treatment by individuals resulting from not enough attention, through sloppiness or indifference to the needs of others. And this comprises abandoning or discounting the emotional well-being of others, as well as actions to isolate adults from visits or contact with family and friends. Isolation: Research has revealed that chronic social isolation will increase the danger of mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. Coupled with that is substance abuse, whether food, alcohol, drug abuse, chronic health conditions, or dementia in older adults. Withheld expressions of love: Withheld expressions of love or giving the cold shoulder without verbalizing your intentions is emotional abuse. Passive-aggressive abusers use their lack of affection, approval, and presence as a weapon against you to maintain control, save face, or passively hurt you. Silent Treatment and Ghosting: Non-verbal rejection includes the "Silent treatment" and "Ghosting," which is a form of rejection used by passive-aggressive personalities. And this behavior is becoming progressively more common, more specifically via social media platforms that are easy to hide behind. Avoidant abuse is when a person willingly withdraws affection with the apparent goal to hurt your feelings or control you. It is a form of psychological abuse that is exceptionally wounding since humankind needs love and friendliness one after the other to feel happy in a relationship. When these behaviors are cyclical, they develop into a pattern of emotional abuse. A spouse, child, or friend who loves the abuser and is unwilling to walk away from the situation is a victim of abuse. The adage, "The older you get, the wiser you become," is not always true. Abusers come in all shapes and sizes irrespective of their background, age, gender, or ethnicity. Most abusers die in their sins without seeking repentance or forgiveness from God and their victims. Abuse often starts in the home and then filters out into the world. Sadly, innocent children who suffered at the hands of their abusers in their childhood and adult life as victims of abuse become entangled in a cycle that is often hard to overcome. These children carry the burdensome effects and lifelong scars of that abuse into adult life and repeat the pattern of abuse they learned. Most parents have not protected their children from abuse, and many are guilty of abusively cursing their children with their cruel and harmful words breaking down their spirits. (Psalm 112:2; Proverbs 20:7). "Jesus the Word" considers abuse sinful since we are called to love each other (John 13:34).