A E Bem

A (Absolutely) E (Enigmatic) Bem (born 23rd August 1476) is a novelist born to a space cowboy father and a Moomin mother. Raised on a pig farm he spent his formative years negotiating big money contracts with the Sicilian mafia to enable them to dispose of bodies at the farm. After a Halloween shoot out he took over leadership of the Solvetini arm of the Sicilian Mafia (aged eight), taking them from strength to strength for the following eighty-two years, culminating in him being awarded the Nobel peace prize in 1625 for services to the gangster industry. Retiring from the mafia he was eventually assassinated by a moonin cousin of his mother’s, disgruntled at an interview he gave to Cartoon Weekly magazine in which he expressed a strong preference for the Smurfs over his familial Moomins. He spends his post death years writing romcom novels and lobbying the film industry to ban the use of AI and as a champion for wildlife actors.