John Mark Hauer

Born in Nashville, Tennessee, but raised in Knoxville, Illinois I spent my formative years writing satires and acting in school and community play productions. Fat, short, and yet slow, I avoided football in favor of putting the shot in track where I distinguished myself by consistently putting the shot the shortest distance ever recorded at good ol' KHS. However, all the punishment laps I earned for my poor showing turned me into a competent runner by the end of my senior year.

I turned my back on earning degrees in Theater and English during my first foray into college. Instead, I embraced the all-too-practical majors of Art, Sociology, and Anthropology. Amazing the number of menial jobs I qualified for soon after earning my often delayed degree! But I had much fun, too. For instance...

I spent a year at Yellowstone National Park as a security guard. Ask me sometime about my confrontation with a grizzly one morning. That experience taught me an appreciation for the word "awe."

I spent a year training at 2nd City Improv on Clark Street in Chicago with several soon-to-be influential comedic actors and writers. It was a fascinating time, but that insular world didn't fit me. Now and again, I'd pick up a piece of paper and scribble but never finished anything. I was interested more in creating effects rather than a coherent story.

October of 2007 saw me survive a car wreck. While recuperating I entertained myself by writing poetry. Believe it or not, I sold an astonishing amount of verse...enough to pay for my weekend addiction to Chinese cuisine. As it happens, an editor asked me if I wrote short stories and I found myself contributing to several magazines and anthologies, some of which actually paid me in checks that didn't bounce for my weird little tales.

In 2023 one of my friends challenged me to write a novel (moments after I had whined that I had never tried my hand at writing one, of course). So I did. Much to my surprise, I found myself relaxed and happy behind the keyboard. There was none of that strain and irritation with having to fit a story into x amount of pages.

In three months I had knocked out the manuscript "Lovelorn Squids from Outer Space" which I learned was actually a novella. Another four months, and I had turned it into a novel. A pretty funny and weird novel. And yes there will be a sequel.

In case you are interested, I live in Huntsville, Alabama. However, I may be heading west soon. You can contact me at markhauer on Instagram.

I'm happy to sign your book. I spend much of my time in the local library or coffee shop. Why, I wrote huge chunks of "Lovelorn" at the Crestwood Hospital cafeteria. Why? I liked the coffee and breakfasts. Heck, buy me breakfast and I'll sign a stack of books ...even if I haven't written them.