How Did I Become My Parent's Parent? : When your Aging Relative Needs your Help HT Act What Say When Intervene While Ke

Real-life anecdotes and step-by-step guidance help readers cope with their changing roles as caretakers for their aging parents, discussing the dynamics of this family role reversal, ways to offer assistance, ascertaining parental needs, and more

Schiff (The Bereaved Parent; Living Through Mourning) explores the complex relationship of aging parents and their adult children, to whom she gives the clumsy label "Chadults." Her reports, however, drawn from experiences of working with nursing home residents and their families, are graceful, eloquent and full of warmth, wisdom and practical good sense. Among the issues considered are planning for the future before a crisis precipitates hasty decisions; long-distance care; nursing home choices; finances; and intimate, including homosexual, relationships. Sarnoff shines when she addresses such intangibles as forgiveness, without which the adult child remains a victim, and the usefulness of psychotherapy as a tool for understanding unresolved issues in order to better get along with one's parent. While Sarnoff's copious use of anecdotal information can sometimes be distracting, this is a helpful, hopeful approach to a subject of interest to baby boomer sons and daughters whose parents are now senior citizens.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Most adults can talk more easily about dying than aging. Adult children, "chadults," of aging parents experience the same stages of grief during their parents' deterioration as they do upon their deaths. Schiff shows us the who, when, and how of effective intervention when we must eventually reverse roles with those who raised us. She shares wisdom gleaned from interviews with nursing home residents and their families and offers advice to lessen stress for both. Schiff recommends gradual, respectful intervention and advises chadults to involve vulnerable parents in decision making while providing the freedom and dignity to face the challenge of change. She suggests ways to deal with the frustrations, guilt, anger, panic, avoidance, and disbelief encountered when parents need parenting. What all parents--stepparents, in-laws, foster parents, adoptive parents--want most is the loving attention of their children. When it is our turn, we will have shown our children the treatment we expect for ourselves by what they have witnessed us do for our moms and dads. Patricia Hassler

Are you an adult facing the practical and emotional issues of caring for aging parents? Or an elderly parent challenged with maintaining integrity while preserving the interest and love of your children? If so, you will find that Schiff's book fills a need in current literature as it openly and sensitively addresses the emotional, social, and practical implications of aging across the generations. Schiff, an experienced spokeswoman on elderly issues, clarifies such concerns as autonomy/decision-making, communications, boundary establishment, role reversal, transiency, change in stages, generational process, obligations, when and how to intervene, and the definition of family. These issues are developed in an easy, natural manner through the stories of the elderly and their children. Personal growth and a deepening spirituality are opportunities afforded by this very painful period in the lives of both children and parents. A complement to books addressing the more technical how-tos of caregiving such as Virginia Morris's How To Care for Aging Parents (LJ 4/1/96) and Helen Susik's Hiring Home Caregivers (LJ 5/1/95), this is a true resource for those concerned about intergenerational issues.?Linda D. Malone, Riverside Hosp., Newport News, Va.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.