Should You Leave? (A Psychiatrist Explores Intimacy and Autonomy - and the Nature of Advice)

Explores the interrelated issues of working on a relationship versus ending it, what kind of advice one should accept, and whether contemporary society overvalues independence

Not only is this a stunning and moving look at the many- layered complexities of intimacy, it is also a neat literary trick. In the wake of his hugely successful Listening to Prozac (1993), psychiatrist Kramer was tempted to join the parade of psychotherapists who write books of advice; his would deal with the question of when to leave a troubled relationship. Instead, he has written a much bolder book that uses the tools of the advice trade while showing up their shortcomings. Addressing the reader as ``you,'' he also recalls the style of postmodern fiction--and indeed, that is what his admittedly fictive case histories often read like, as he presents the basic facts of a case, then recasts them over and over in various theoretical and therapeutic molds, each perspective leading to a different possible outcome in terms of what advice he might offer. Drawing on the work of Harry Stack Sullivan, Jean Baker Miller, and other theorists, he examines the poles of autonomy and intimacy, betrayal and trust, identification and differentiation as they affect relationships. A Jewish man marries a Catholic woman; they agree they will not raise their children in either religion; years later the wife decides their daughter must be taught the catechism. Should he leave? A husband and wife were high school sweethearts, brought together by the unhappiness of their family lives; but her new creative and successful career is fortifying her while her husband begins to whine and then almost takes a lover. Should she leave? In the guise of trying to give advice to the people in these and other cases, Kramer simultaneously explores the near-impossibility of giving advice: People are ultimately unknowable, their situations too complex, the therapist blinded by his own biases. Beautifully illustrating the passion, curiosity, intellect, and sensitivity therapists bring to their work, Kramer has produced a tour de force, a book of non-advice more illuminating than any how-to could ever be. -- Copyright ©1997, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

Some surprise best-sellers are more surprising than others. Such was psychotherapist Kramer's last book, Listening to Prozac (1993). Although nontechnical, it wasn't exactly easy reading, and neither is its successor, which Kramer says was all generated from its very first sentence, "All you want is a simple piece of advice." That want is, for Kramer, essential to the psychiatric encounter, and its motive is contained in the second sentence, "There is a decision you must make--stay or leave." Thereafter, Kramer presents a series of couples, at least one of whose members is contemplating that decision. He uses his hypothetical treatments of the contemplators to explore how and on what bases therapists respond to requests for advice. The issues involved in such requests are of personal autonomy and interpersonal intimacy, and Kramer shows how some of the most influential therapeutic practitioners have addressed them and how their insights and techniques are employed by an everyday shrink, himself. Full of plenty of other insights garnered from literature and the social sciences, including even the work of primate ethologist Frans de Waal, Kramer's book about how psychotherapy works has much substance. It is easy to learn a lot from it, despite Kramer's discursive (really, rather gassy) style. Ray Olson

You've had enough?or so you think. But should you really leave? Kramer, author of the best-selling Listening to Prozac (LJ 5/1/93), examines how people seek an answer to this crucial question of the heart. Along the way he offers great insights into the human condition and helps the reader to understand why we each do what we do about interpersonal relationships on the brink of a breakup. The book is concerned with more than just answering the title's basic question. It also delves into the intricate and complicated issue of psychotherapy and advice itself. Kramer contemplates the role of the therapist as well as the unspoken law against offering advice to his clients. Written with a keen ear for narrative, this nonfiction title reads more like well-written fiction: smooth as silk. Highly recommended for both public library self-help and academic psychology collections.?Marty Dean Evensvold, Magnolia P.L., Tx.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc.