Synopsis
A study of adult sibling rivalry draws on interviews to dispute age-old beliefs about rivalry and birth order, explore the hidden strengths of the sibling bond, and identify key turning points in adult sibling relationships. 25,000 first printing. Tour.
Reviews
In this instructive, broadly researched study, Sandmaier ( The Invisible Alcoholics ) examines the complex bonds between brothers and sisters. Sibling relationships are central, she shows, to emotional development. Drawing on her own uneven sibling ties and on interviews with a socio-economic cross section of 80 siblings, she cites the fury or devotion, but mostly the ambivalence which characterizes these ties. Sandmaier claims that our culture's gender-defined goals tend to create close sister/sister and less intense but rivalry-prone brother/brother bonds, while predisposing siblings of the opposite sex "towards separateness." The author suggests that a family crisis, frequently the death of a parent or sibling, can heal rifts and bring survivors to reconnection.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc.
A moving study of the dynamics of sibling relationships. Sandmaier's latest (The Invisible Alcoholics, 1980, etc.) should help revise our understanding of the role siblings play in personal development, as the author points out that siblings can be as important as parents in determining everything from future relationships to physical health and even longevity. The study she offers here of both the technical and general literature on sibling relationships is humanized by interviews with hundreds of people about their relations with their brothers and sisters. Sandmaier investigates the often overlooked meanings that gender holds for brothers and sisters; includes interesting evidence of the effect of ethnicity and nationality on sibling relationships (WASPS are much less comfortable around their siblings than are African- Americans); and provides well-chosen examples, from literature and literary lives, of the complexities and wonders of sibling relationships. Theoretically minded readers will appreciate the author's emphasis on the constructedness of such relationships, and the consequent possibility that--rather than being innate or predetermined--they can be changed. There are quibbles--Sandmaier fails, for example, in her claim for the consistency of findings in birth order studies--but her analysis for the most part is striking and even inspired. Necessarily, this is a study also about parents- -both abusive ones and successful--and prospective parents will benefit from it. It closes with encouraging but not treacly advice for those interested in improving relationships with siblings. In its eloquence, evenhandedness, and common sense, a book that rises heads and shoulders above the general run of pop-psych material. -- Copyright ©1994, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.
Relationships are always more complicated and mysterious than the bent offerings of TV talk shows, no more so than with the people we've known the longest: our siblings. For the sane segment of society, seeking to understand instead of exploit, Sandmaier presents a rounded view of the issues. Based on interviews with 80 people (most in the 30 to 40 age range), her text examines three general areas: a single sibling pair; the combinations of bro-bro, sis-sis, and bro-sis; and lastly, her own family. Behind each case lurks that tribal memory of slights, helps, hurts, and loves, and Sandmaier plays the individual melodies against the main theme rather well. A popularizer and not a clinician, she still displays a familiarity with scholarly insights; readers weary of the Geraldo-ization of family matters should be grateful for this more realistic look at the clan. Gilbert Taylor
Next to parents, it is siblings who most influence the development of one's identity and personality. For this book, Sandmaier, a journalist and author of The Invisible Alcoholics ( LJ 1/15/80), interviewed 80 adult brothers and sisters in order to delve into their complicated and changeable relationships. Using their narratives to illustrate her points, Sandmaier explores adult sibling relationships and the positive and negative influences they have on our lives. She offers advice on trying to understand difficult relations and how to reconnect with emotionally distant siblings. This well-written book is recommended for public libraries.
- Jennifer Amador, Central State Hosp. Medical Lib., Petersburg, Va.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc.
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