The Relationship Cure : A Five-Step Guide for Building Better Connections with Family, Friends, and Lovers

Leading relationship expert and bestselling author Dr. John Gottman, who has won numerous awards for his groundbreaking research, presents a revolutionary five-step program for repairing troubled relationships — with spouses and lovers, children and other family members, friends, and even your boss or colleagues at work. Drawing on a host of powerful new studies, as well as his 29 years of analyzing relationships and conducting relationship therapy, Gottman provides the tools you need to make your relationships thrive.

Introducing the empowering concept of the "emotional bid," which he calls the fundamental unit of emotional connection, Gottman shows that all good relationships are built through a process of making and receiving successful bids. These bids range from such subtle gestures as a quick question, a look, or a comment to the most probing and intimate ways we communicate. Gottman's research reveals that people in happy relationships make bidding and responding to bids a high priority in their lives, and he has discovered the fascinating secrets behind mastering the bidding process. Those who do so tend to "turn toward" bids from others, whereas most problems in relationships stem from either "turning away" or "turning against" bids for connection.

Gottman's simple yet life-transforming five-step program, packed with fascinating questionnaires and exercises developed in his therapy, shows readers how to become master bidders by effectively turning toward others. Presenting fascinating examples of bidding, he teaches readers how to assess their strengths and weaknesses in bidding, as well as those of the important people in their lives, and how to improve where necessary. He draws on the latest research to show readers how their brain's unique emotional command systems, as well as their emotional heritage — their upbringing, life experiences, and enduring vulnerabilities — affect how they make and receive bids, and how to make adjustments. He then introduces a set of enjoyable and remarkably effective ways to deepen connections by finding shared meaning and honoring one another's dreams. The final chapter offers specially tailored programs for life's most important relationships: with lovers or spouses, children, adult siblings, friends, and coworkers.

The Relationship Cure offers a simple but profound program that will fundamentally transform the quality of all of the relationships in your life.

John M. Gottman, Ph.D., is the cofounder and co-director of the Gottman Institute, along with his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. He is also the James W. Mifflin Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle and the recipient of numerous national and international awards for his groundbreaking relationship research. His work has been featured on many national television shows, including The Oprah Winfrey Show, 20/20, Dateline, and Good Morning America. His previous books include the national bestseller The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (2000) and Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child (1997).

John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman founded the Gottman Institute to provide educational materials, therapist and couples workshops, and therapy to couples and families.

Joan DeClaire is a freelance writer specializing in psychology, health, and family issues. She lives in Seattle.