Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept: Protect children from unsafe touch by teaching them to always speak up - Softcover

Sanders, Jayneen

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0987186019 ISBN 13: 9780987186010

Publisher: Educate2Empower Publishing, 2011

Synopsis

'Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept' is a beautifully illustrated children's picture book that sensitively broaches the subject of keeping children safe from inappropriate touch. We teach water and road safety, but how do we teach Body Safety to young children in a way that is neither frightening nor confronting? This book is an invaluable tool for parents, caregivers, teachers and healthcare professionals to broach the subject of safe and unsafe touch in a non-threatening and age-appropriate way. The comprehensive notes to the reader and discussion questions at the back of the book support both the reader and the child when discussing the story. Suitable for children aged 3 to 12 years.

Story is a great medium to discuss difficult topics. 'Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept' was written to ensure children are armed with knowledge if they are ever touched inappropriately; and from the first unsafe touch, a child will understand to tell a trusted adult and keep on telling until they are believed. It is an important book and one that all children need to hear. Forewarned is forearmed! This book is supported by free activities and child protection resources on our website. 'Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept' is available in 7 languages including English, Spanish, German, Chinese, Japanese, Italian and French.

Body Safety Education (also known as protective behaviours or child sexual abuse prevention education) involves so much more than focusing on stranger danger. In fact, 95% of sexually abused children will know their abuser and only 5% will be strangers. It is also crucial for children to learn that they must never keep secrets that make them feel bad or uncomfortable (in fact, we teach it's best not to have secrets in families, only happy surprises). The trouble with secrets is that they are the main tool used by child molesters to ensure children remain silent about the abuse. Ensuring the secret is kept is of utmost importance to the perpetrator. Therefore, threats and insisting no-one will believe the child is used as a way of controlling the child to be silent. Through Body Safety Education parents and children will learn the importance of there being no secrets between us.

Parents and carers need to be on the lookout for signs of sexual abuse in children and grooming behaviour which is often focused on themselves as well as their children. The answer to the question, 'How do I keep kids safe from sexual abuse?' is simple; teach them Body Safety Education from a very young age. Always use the correct names for their genitals, ensure they know that the parts covered by their swimsuit are known as their private parts, and that private means 'just for you', and consequently not for sharing. This is known as the swimsuit lesson. When you teach your child that 'your body belongs to you' you are empowering them with confidence through knowledge.
Body Safety Education also involves teaching your child that no-one can touch their private parts, and if they do, they must tell a trusted adult until believed.

Kids need to be safe as well as feel safe. Teaching a child that private means 'just for you' and that their private parts are found under their swimsuit is a valuable lesson that can prevent child molestation.

The sexual abuse of children is regrettably very common. Approximately 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday.

You can help stop child abuse by teaching social and physical boundaries to kids and that some parts are not for sharing. A child needs be able to proclaim loudly and with conviction that, 'My body belongs to me', 'I am the boss of my body' and that 'From my head to my toes, I say what goes'.

Please note: the author uses 'safe and unsafe touch' or 'inappropriate touch' as preferred terms for good and bad touch which may be confusing for a child as bad touch (inappropriate touch) can often feel good, i.e. be pleasurable and this can cause confusion for a child.

About this title

About the Author

Jayneen (Jay) Sanders is an experienced primary school teacher and a successful children's book author. She is also the mother of three teenage girls and has been a primary school councillor for over seven years. Her time spent in primary schools inspired her to ask: 'What are we doing in schools to protect our children from sexual interference?' When she realised very little was actually being done, she decided to write a book to help parents, carers and teachers to broach the subject of self-protection and to encourage children to speak up.

From the Back Cover

Sir Alfred has a terrible secret.
A secret that should never ever be kept.
But who will poor little Sir Alfred tell?
Who can he trust?

Remember, some secrets
should never ever be kept.

This book was written to provide
children with essential skills in
self-protection, and to encourage
them to always speak up.
We recommend that children
be read this story by a parent
or caregiver.

Jayneen Sanders
is also the author of
'Body Safety Education --
A parents' guide to protecting
kids from sexual abuse'

From the Inside Flap

Note to the reader
It is important that young children are educated in personal safety and to speak up if they are inappropriately touched. Here are some general 'body safety' tips, followed by more specific guidelines on reading Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept to your child.

General Body Safety Tips

• Young children often find it hard to articulate how they are feeling. Therefore, provide daily opportunities to talk about feelings. Ask questions such as, How do you feel when it's your birthday? When you pat a puppy? When you go down a big slide for the first time?
• Discuss 'safe' and 'unsafe' feelings and brainstorm scenarios. Discuss how your child feels when they are worried or unsafe. Talk about what happens to their body: sweaty hands, racing heart, start to cry, sick feeling in their tummy, wobbly knees, etc. Say, These are your Early Warning Signs and they tell you when something is not right. Encourage your child to trust their feelings.
• Introduce the term 'private body parts'. Tell your child that their private parts are the areas under their bathing suit. Use the correct terminology for body parts from a young age. Tell your child that no-one can touch their private body parts (which also includes their mouth) and they can say 'Stop!' or 'No!' if someone does. Reinforce that they should tell someone they trust about the inappropriate touch. Have your child practise putting out their hand and saying 'Stop!' or 'No!' Tell your child that it is also wrong for them to touch somebody else's private body parts, even if they are asked to. Discuss briefly when it is appropriate for someone to touch their body, e.g. a doctor, but only if you or a trusted adult is in the room.

Reading 'Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept'

1. Explain to your child that you are going to read a very special story. Show the cover and read the title. Ask, Who do you think this little boy is? How do you think he is feeling? Why do you think he is feeling this way?
2. Read the story, stopping and discussing the illustrations when appropriate. Note: in the first reading, we suggest that you keep discussion of the illustrations brief, so that the storyline is not lost. Once the story is finished, go straight to the discussion questions at the back of the book. Spend as long as appropriate on each question. Note: when reading the story again, discuss the little boy's body language and ask your child how the little boy might be feeling.
3. Revisit the story in the following week. Say, Do you remember this story? What was it about? What happened to the boy? Should we keep secrets such as someone touching our private parts? What Early Warning Signs did the little boy have? What would you do if someone touched your private parts? Reinforce to your child that they should tell the person to stop, and that it is important to tell someone they trust and keep on telling until they are believed.
4. Continuing on from this discussion, have your child name three to five adults (including older teenagers) that they could tell if they are feeling unsafe or experiencing their Early Warning Signs. Talk about how these people are part of their 'network' ­-- people who they trust and who will always believe them.
5. Revisit the story every few months or when a situation arises where your child is in the care of another person. Reinforce the key messages: your body is your body and no-one has the right to touch it, and secrets that make you feel bad and uncomfortable should never be kept.

Remember: Forewarned is forearmed! Please encourage others to teach body safety.

Edition details

• Publisher: Educate2Empower Publishing
• Publication date: 2011
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 0987186019
• ISBN 13: 9780987186010
• Binding: Paperback
• Illustrator: Smith Craig
• Number of pages: 34