The Truth Behind the Rock: An Honest Look at the Myth of the Fairy-Tale Engagement - Softcover

Kaminsky, Jessica

9781416933588: The Truth Behind the Rock: An Honest Look at the Myth of the Fairy-Tale Engagement

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1416933581 ISBN 13: 9781416933588

Publisher: Gallery Books, 2007

Oh no, you're turning into that girl.

The one you never thought you'd become, the one who really wants to get engaged and can think of little else.... Rest assured, you are not alone.

Understandably, official engagement stories tend to leave out the unsavory details of the not-so-subtle hinting, the uncomfortable conversations, and the ultimatums. But like any good relationship, getting engaged takes work.

In The Truth Behind the Rock, couples share their experiences in "he said/she said" anecdotes that offer a glimpse of what men and women are really thinking when it comes to engagements. From knowing the subtle art of persuasion (and what to do if it fails) to sifting through the wreckage once he drops the "I don't really believe in marriage" bomb, author Jessica Kaminsky offers up sisterly advice. This candid, reassuring examination of the great engagement debate is essential reading for every woman in a serious relationship who is ready to make the ultimate commitment.

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About the Author:

Jessica Kaminsky has written for a number of successful sitcoms, including Just Shoot Me! The author of I Hate the Gym, she lives in Los Angeles with her husband and son.

PREFACE

let's get something straight. this is not a book about how to get a man. Or how to keep a man. Or how to please a man. This is also not some crusty, outdated self-help book your mother buys in the hopes that one day you'll bring home that perfect somebody (or anybody, for that matter). But most important, this book is not The Rules. Remember that mid-nineties literary treasure, responsible for such kernels of wisdom as "never accept a date for Friday after Wednesday" and "always let him call you"? Ah, those were some empowering times indeed.

So now that we have that out of the way, let me be the first to assure you that The Truth Behind the Rock is the opposite kind of book from what you're probably used to. It isn't going to tell you how to do things differently or mock your pain as you wait and wonder when your guy is going to get off his ass and propose. The Truth Behind the Rock will give women a peek behind the curtain at what real couples go through on the road to engagement. You'll hear stories from both sexes about that uncomfortable, hazy time between wanting to be married and actually getting engaged, as well as every scenario in between. So rest assured this book has a little something for everybody.

Now for the backstory: I got the idea for The Truth Behind the Rock after a recent visit home. I was catching up with an old friend who was lamenting that she wanted to get engaged to her boyfriend but didn't think they were even remotely close. As far as she could tell, he seemed more than content to keep things the way they were (i.e., frequent overnights, a toothbrush at her place, and the comfort of knowing that he would get laid on his birthday). In fact, she couldn't imagine her guy taking the initiative to bring their relationship to the next level, buying a ring, and surprising her "like the way your husband surprised you," my friend said. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on there, sister. Are we talking about my husband? Was she kidding? Didn't she know that our engagement took two years of gut-wrenching, heart-baring, soul-crushing conversations? And that it was the culmination of many Camp David summit-like meetings wherein I had to endure such flimflam excuses as "I'm not sure I even believe in marriage" and -- after five years of dating, mind you -- "What's the rush, anyway?"

After I shared the history of our less-than-storybook engagement with my friend, she was genuinely surprised. All she had heard about was that Hallmark moment when my then-boyfriend Dave got down on bended knee in Central Park in front of a homeless man and a Puerto Rican couple and asked if I would marry him. She had no idea that there had been heated discussions, ultimatums, and not-so-subtle hints. Like the time I tore a Tiffany ad from a magazine and stuck it in his wallet.

I know what you're thinking. And you're right. I had become that girl. It was embarrassing. I'm not proud of it. But I didn't know what else to do. I was desperate. And desperate times called for desperate measures. Which is why I would have benefitted tremendously from knowing that I wasn't the first woman to freak out, act irrationally, and become a walking clich�. And yet, somehow in my mind I felt like everyone else out there was having these fairy-tale engagements while I was holding Dave's feet to the fire. But after I spoke to some of my other girlfriends, I realized I wasn't alone.

And so, when my friend started to share her frustration over her boyfriend's lack of enthusiasm, it dawned on me: This was an epidemic, and yet no one was talking about it. So many women out there are hoping and waiting for that out-of-the-blue, ring-in-the-Cracker Jack

box, violin-serenading, surprise engagement from their boyfriends. But the reality is that this type of engagement story virtually doesn't exist. Of course there are the exceptions. But for the most part, the path to marriage is one fraught with stalemates, tension, and tears. Even more alarming is that this desire for an unprompted, romantic proposal runs against who these women fundamentally are: modern, career-driven, independent. And yet, there is something so old-fashioned about wanting to be proposed to, wanting to be wanted.

This book explores that paradox and seeks to give all women an opportunity to examine other engagements, as well as to reassure them that there is no one way to pop the question. So take comfort in knowing that you are not the only one with a well-meaning, clueless boyfriend. And read on to discover the truth behind the rock.

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