The Chicken Qabalah of Rabbi Lamed Ben Clifford: Dilettante's Guide to What You Do and Do Not Need to Know to Become a Qabalist - Softcover

DuQuette, Lon Milo

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1578632153 ISBN 13: 9781578632152

Publisher: Weiser Books, 2001

Synopsis

A unique and humorous and also practical approach to the increasingly popular study of Qabalah. This is a seriously funny book! Traditional Qabalistic (or Cabalistic, or, indeed, Kabbalistic read this book to find out what the difference is...we know you've always wondered) sources tend to be a bit, er, dry. DuQuette spices up the Qabalah and makes it come alive, restoring the joy of learning the fundamentals of this admittedly arcane system by using simple, amusing anecdotes and metaphors. This account, written psuedepigraphically (fictitiously attributed to a supposed authority), allows DuQuette as Rabbi Lamed Ben Clifford to soar to outrageous heights and, when necessary, stand apart from the silliness to highlight the golden eggs of Qabalistic wisdom nested therein. Sure to be a revelation to those who think that learning about the Qabalah needs to be tedious and serious, DuQuette shows that great truths can be transmitted through the medium of laughter. It's s Dilettante's Guide to What You Do and Do Not Need to Know to Become a Qabalist.

About this title

About the Author

Lon Milo DuQuette is a best-selling author who lectures worldwide on such topics as magick, tarot, and the Western mystery traditions. He is currently the US Deputy Grand Master of Ordo Templi Orientis and is on the faculty of the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York, and the Maybe Logic Academy. His books include The Magick of Aleister Crowley, Understanding Aleister Crowley’s Thoth Tarot, and The Tarot Architect. Visit him at londuquette.com.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

THE CHICKEN QABALAH OF RABBI LAMED BEN CLIFFORD

A Dilettante's Guide to What You Do and Do Not Need to Know to Become a Qabalist

By Lon Milo DuQuette

Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC

Copyright © 2001 Lon Milo DuQuette
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-57863-215-2

Contents

List of Figures
Foreword—My Life with the Rabbi, by Rodney Orpheus
Introduction: Confession
Chapter 0. Who Was Rabbi Lamed Ben Clifford?
Chapter 1. Frequently Asked Questions About Chicken Qabalah
Chapter 2. The Ten Command-Rants
Chapter 3. The Sepher Yetzirah
Chapter 4. The Hebrew Alphabet
Chapter 5. The Ineffable Name of God and the Ark of the Covenant
Chapter 6. The Four Qabalistic Worlds and the Four Parts of the Soul
Chapter 7. The Tree of Life
Chapter 8. Qabalistic Magick and the Tree of Life
Chapter 9. The Chicken Tarot and the Holy Guardian Angel
Chapter 10. Last Lecture—Games Qabalists Play
Epilogue: Shem-ha-Mephorash—The Rabbi's Last 72 Words
Notes
Glossary
Bibliography
Index
About the Author

CHAPTER 1

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT CHICKEN QABBALAH

Introduced by Lon Milo DuQuette

We are Qazbalists not to prove the Bible is holy—weare Qabalists because everything is holy.

—Rabbi Lamed Ben Clifford

Without doubt, the first question people asked Rabbi Lamed Ben Cliffordconcerned his choice of the word "Chicken" to describe his brand of Qabalisticstudy and practice. It is clear to me, after reviewing scores of letters on thissubject, that he delighted in giving a different answer to every individual whoasked, "Why do you call it Chicken Qabalah?" Indeed, for this reason, I hadaltogether given up the idea of including any of them in the "Frequently AskedQuestions" chapter. Then, shortly before returning the last draft of themanuscript to my publisher, I received a telephone call from one of the Rabbi'sstudents living in New York City. She was a wealth of information and happilycorroborated the following story, which was part of a 1987 letter to a Jamaicandisciple.

Why do I call it Chicken Qabalah? Actually, the term "Chicken Qabalah" issuedfrom the mouth of an arrogant and hateful old man who attended my New York CityYOU-CAN-FORGET-90-PERCENT-OF-WHAT-YOU-KNOW-ABOUT-THE-QABALAH seminar. After mytalk he approached me, so obviously infuriated that he could hardly speak.

He said, "Sir, you speak blaspheme! You are no Kabbalist! You don't evenpronounce the word correctly—it is Kahb-bah-' law! Kahb-bah-' law! What youteach is not Kabbalah! It is ... it is ..."

The poor man's face turned bright red and his whole body began to shake as hesearched his mind for a word fowl [sic] enough to describe my work.

"It is—it is—Chicken! Chicken Kahb-bah-' law!"

It was instantly obvious to everyone in the room that he was painfullyembarrassed at the ill-chosen and infantile words that blurted mindlessly out ofhis mouth. People started to chuckle. He then became so flustered that he spatupon the floor and said, "You and your teachings merit only spit! Spit!" andthen he stormed out of the hall.

As I am vowed to interpret every phenomenon as a direct communication from Godto my soul, I recognized this awful slobbering man as an angel of the Lord, sentto reveal to me the name of the spiritual science that would forever cling to myname. That night in meditation I examined his message Qabalistically.

The Hebrew word for phlegm or spittle is [TEXT NOT REPRODUCIBLE IN ASCII] (KICh), and the word for merit is[TEXT NOT REPRODUCIBLE IN ASCII] (NE). To my great joy, the phrase "merit spit," [TEXT NOT REPRODUCIBLE IN ASCII], enumerates to the number 93,one of the holiest of numbers. Number 93 relates not only to the divine conceptsof Love and Will, but also to the great secret Word by which we triumph overdeath. I then looked down at my notes to discover that the very same lettersarranged in the very same order rendered in English characters the word [TEXT NOT REPRODUCIBLE IN ASCII] (ChIKEN).

I cannot say that I actually believe the above story. It might have some basisin fact, but, like most of the Rabbi's stories, it is probably pure fiction (oras he would say, "a Holy Whopper"). As we will soon see, however, the lies ofRabbi Lamed Ben Clifford can contain some very great truths.

The list of questions and answers, below, was not compiled by Ben Clifford. Icompiled it with the kind help of his secretary and "magical son," Gizmo BenLamed, from nearly 6 years of the Rabbi's personal correspondence with disciplesand detractors.

What is Chicken Qabalah?

Chicken Qabalah is the deceptively self-effacing term given to those aspects ofthe Holy Hebrew Qabalah that are of practical value to practitioners of theWestern Hermetic spiritual tradition. While giving the most profound respect toindividuals and institutions that teach the rich parochial traditions ofspeculative Qabalah, Chicken Qabalists, like students of Zen, focuspragmatically on the mind-transcending techniques of the art.

Who are Chicken Qabalists?

Anybody can be a Chicken Qabalist, but at this point in history most arestudents of Tarot, Psychology, Astrology, Ceremonial Magick, Rosicrucianism,Alchemy, Mystic Freemasonry, or Witchcraft."

Is Chicken Qabalah real Qabalah?

Hell yes! Don't worry about it, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. So-calledorthodox Qabalahs are only other people's Chicken Qabalahs that have beenaround for a long time.

Is there a correct way to spell the word Qabalah?

Hell no! You're a Chicken Qabalist! Don't worry about it. Cabala, Kabbalah,Quabbbalah, Caqubabalalah—They're all wrong! (So they may as well all becorrect!) We'll talk about that more when you are a little more familiar withthe Hebrew alphabet.

Is it hard to become a Chicken Qabalist?

Hell no! Don't worry about it. But, if you feel you need some externalvalidation, sign this, cut it out and put it in your wallet. No need to send inan application or pay any dues. If the omniscient Deity really exists, It willsurely recognize your bold act of spiritual audacity.

There! You're a full-fledged Chicken Qabalist. Now, the first thing you need tolearn is that everyone's Qabalah is uniquely their own. Your Qabalah is not myQabalah or anyone else's. A personal Qabalah is placed in your hands the momentyou take up the study. It's alive, and grows upon what you feed it. The more youlearn, the more you use. No two students study or work the same.

For example: I know people who have studied most, if not all, of the classictexts. They know their Hebrew backward and forward, and a whole poop-load of thetraditional correspondences. They can twist and abuse numbers and letters allnight long and send you out the door screaming with their nonstop raving. Theycan manipulate your address and phone number to prove you're the antichrist, andyour real name is Rumplestiltskin. However, all that doesn't necessarily meanthey are using that knowledge to do anything other than bore their friends todeath. On the other hand, you might be inclined to learn and use only one or twoQabalistic tricks of the trade. That's fine. Used everyday with tenacity andskill, even the most elementary exercises can drive you crazy just as fast asthe complex and exotic operations—maybe faster! Don't worry about it!

Do I need to be Jewish?

Hell no! You're a Chicken Qabalist! Don't worry about it. You don't need to beborn anything, believe anything, or belong to any religion, cult, order, orpolitical party. You don't need to believe in the Hebrew God, or Moses, or theGreat Goddess, or Jesus, or L. Ron Hubbard, or Mohammed, or any other savior,prophet, or salesperson. You don't even need a faithful heart or an open mind.The brain-warping power of Qabalistic thought will soon make all those thingsirrelevant.

Will I need to learn the Hebrew language?

Hell no! You're a Chicken Qabalist! Don't worry about it. You don't have tolearn to speak Hebrew. But you will have to recognize and be able to write the22 letters of the Hebrew alphabet. You will also have to know the meanings andthe numerical values of each Hebrew letter. There is no escaping this part ofyour education. Eventually, as you study and work with the alphabet, you willbecome familiar with various Hebrew words that are important to the system.

Soon, if your studies take you in that direction, you will be able to recognizethese words in the original Hebrew texts. This skill is very impressive tofriends and relatives who always thought you were stupid and unspiritual. Bestof all, it will make them feel guilty and have agonizing doubts about their ownreligious beliefs because they can't read their own scriptures in the originaltongue. Go ahead. Rub it in! Being a Chicken Qabalist is fun!

Won't I be intimidated by serious Jewish Qabalists and others who speak Hebrew?

Hell no! You're a Chicken Qabalist! Don't worry about it. The first liberatingsecret Chicken Qabalists learn is that (as far as the Qabalah is concerned)there is no such thing as correct Hebrew pronunciation! Yep! That's right. Nomatter how you pronounce the various words in the system, some snob is sure topop up (especially in public) and correct you. Remember that Hebrew, as a spokenlanguage is relatively young. Sure, there are those who speak Yiddish, orJudezmo, Sephardic, or Ashkenazic, and a score of other regional and ethnicdialects. There are correct ways to pronounce these dialects, but nobody, Irepeat, nobody knows for sure what the sacred language of the ancient Hebrewssounded like, or even if it was spoken at all! Pronunciation has less thannothing to do with the study and practical spiritual applications of theQabalah.

Be proud of the fact that you are informed and honest enough to admit you arenot sure how the words are pronounced and, what's more, you don't even care.Such crass indifference is unbearable to those who would dare belittle the workof the Chicken Qabalist. That being said, it's always a good idea to remember:

Rabbi Lamed's Helpful Hint Number 1: Never correct other Qabalists'pronunciation of Hebrew words no matter how silly it sounds. First of all, theymight be right. Secondly, your silence will make them think you are a highlyintelligent person because you agree with them.

Rabbi Lamed's Helpful Hint Number 2: Better still, just don't talk with otherQabalists.

I hear the Qabalah is based on the Bible. Do I have to believe in the Bible?

Hell no! You're a Chicken Qabalist! Don't worry about it. You don't have tobelieve in anything. If the Bible leaves a bad taste in your mouth, welcome tothe club. But before you throw old King James out the window, I'd like to pointout that the Bible is holy—but so are the phonebook, Webster's Dictionary,Robert's Rules of Order and the menu at McDonalds. As you will learn from theTen Command-Rants, everything is holy and anything is capable of being thevehicle of divine revelation. Key books of the Bible, however, were written byQabalists for Qabalists and so should be of particular interest to us.

I know, you're probably not thrilled about Bible study. Perhaps like me you'vehad unpleasant experiences with people who are convinced that the Bible teachesthe most ridiculous and monstrous things. Well, now you can tell all thosespiritual bullies who tried to terrorize you with the eternal agonies of hellthat they can just go there. I'm going to share a little secret with you thatonly Chicken Qabalists (and a few musicians) have the courage and wit to handle:The people who wrote the Qabalistic books of the Bible never intended for themto be read by the public.

There! I've said it. I feel so much better. Be honest with yourself. Deep inyour heart, you've always known it was true, haven't you? How many times haveyou tried to wade into Genesis or Ezekiel, and finally just gave up and said,"What the hell are these guys talking about?" Don't feel bad. You weren't meantto know what they're talking about—not unless you held vital interpretive keys.

I know that sounds snobby and elitist, but it's the truth. These texts werecrafted by mystics possessed of profound understanding of the universe and themysteries of human existence. At a time when writing was reserved for priestsand royalty, they used poetry and parables to express thoughts that everydaylanguage could not accommodate. They assembled the phrases with great art fromindividual words that conveyed an even deeper level of truth; and finally, eachword was made up of unique symbolic letters, each of which revealed yet anotherstory—a story so profound and abstract it could only be told and understood inthe pure language of numbers and mathematics.

These sages were full-time holy guys. They wrote this stuff for other full-timeholy guys, and the tiny segment of every generation who would be equipped withthe intelligence, the spiritual drive (and leisure time) necessary to embarkupon a lifelong quest for enlightenment. I assure you, these ancient mysticswould have produced a radically different body of work had they in their wildestnightmares imagined that in some future dark age their secret coded scriptureswould be seized by half-witted and sadistic European cannibals and interpretedliterally, like some grotesque and racist history book.

Will the study of the Qabalah make me a better person?

No! You'll have to do that yourself.

CHAPTER 2

THE TEN COMMAND-RANTS

Introduced by Lon Milo DuQuette

Don't worry if none of this makes any sense to you right now.It is enough to remember that Realization of One is thesecond-to-last goal of all Qabalists. The final goal isto attain the consciousness of Nothing.

—Rabbi Lamed Ben Clifford

Rabbi Ben Clifford claimed that in the winter of 1989 he made a pilgrimage tothe Holy Land, where he climbed Mount Sinai to, as he put it, "touch base andget further clarification" on several matters pertaining to scripture. On thesummit, the Supreme Deity allegedly appeared to him in the form of a rotatingtongue sandwich that lectured Ben Clifford for about six minutes. To quote theRabbi:

The Lord's lustrous lingua lashed from the luminous laser-like lights thatlicked the length of the lush and lonely landscape. Later, I laughed like alunatic as I lay lifelessly limp and lingered upon the lilt of the last littlestletter of the Laws and the laudable lessons I so lately learned.

Of course this story is a complete fabrication. To my knowledge, Ben Cliffordnever visited Israel, and in 1989 would have been physically unfit to climb anymountain. In fact, I have spoken to several of his early students, who informedme that in the winter of 1989 the Rabbi was hospitalized in New York City aftersuffering an emotional breakdown on the observation deck of the Empire StateBuilding after becoming violently ill at the Carnegie Deli.

Be that as it may, the fact remains that in late 1989 Ben Clifford did indeedpublish a short treatise on the nature of the creation and the underlying theoryof Qabalistic study. These "Ten Command-Rants," as he called them, are a work ofunquestioned genius. They are perhaps the most concise description of the natureof reality ever penned, reducing complex and inscrutable concepts to theiressence. Their publication in the prestigious Qabalah magazine, Gomer, resultedin Rabbi Ben Clifford's overnight transformation from crazy-old-burned-outlunatic to crazy-old-burned-out-lunatic holy man.

I consider his subsequent commentaries on the Ten Command-Rants the bestintroduction to the Qabalah ever written. They continue to be, for me, aperpetual reminder of why I am on the great Qabalistic adventure. I stronglyadvise the student to refer to them often throughout the years of his or hermystical career.

The Ten Command-Rants

Commentaries onThe Ten Command-Rants

First Command-RantAll is One.

This statement is hardly a veil-rending revelation to anyone who has dabbledeven slightly with abstract thought. It's easy to imagine everything in theuniverse lumped together into one big something beyond which there is nothing.But it's the concept of nothing that sends our primate minds into a tailspin.Now, the very young Chicken Qabalist might be tempted to think of this divinenothingness as kind of a negative "enO" from which the "One" somehow popped intobeing as if from behind a mysterious looking-glass. But, as the Second Command-Rantwill demonstrate, "nothing" is "something else" altogether.

Second Command-RantThe First Command-Rant is a lie. All is Nothing.

Astronomers and physicists tell us there is more nothing in the universe thananything else. In fact, they now say that most of the matter and energy in thecosmos (well over 90 percent) is somehow hiding in all this nothingness. Come tothink about it, even matter that we can see is really mostly nothing. There isinfinitely more nothing in an atom than protons and electrons. There is morenothing in our bodies than anything else. We are full of tubes and pockets andsacs and bladders and cavities and chambers and openings and voids. Every cellin your body is mostly nothing. When a cell starts to divide to produce morecells, it first folds in on itself to create more precious nothing to work with.Even your brain grew out of the nothingness of this embryonic internaldisappearing act.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from THE CHICKEN QABALAH OF RABBI LAMED BEN CLIFFORD by Lon Milo DuQuette. Copyright © 2001 Lon Milo DuQuette. Excerpted by permission of Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Edition details

• Publisher: Weiser Books
• Publication date: 2001
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1578632153
• ISBN 13: 9781578632152
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 256