Parents Under Siege: Why You Are the Solution, Not the Problem in Your Child's Life

Offers advice and strategies for successful and effective parenting, from building character, confidence, and trust to establishing authority.

Stories about violence perpetrated by children and adolescents make the front pages with disturbing regularity. What is less well known is that 10 percent of young people who commit homicides come from sound homes with functioning families. Garbarino and Bedard (coauthors, Lost Boys) probe the so-called "impossible" children those who go awry despite loving, supportive parents ranging from those who make daily life difficult to those who tragically commit murder. The authors combine research and interviews (including interviews with the parents of Dylan Klebold, the Columbine school shooter perhaps the most famous and tragic example of a "difficult" child from a stable home) with statistical analysis to present a startling picture of the changing culture of parenting in America. They offer the consolation that parents are not to blame when things go wrong, and provide some advice on how to intervene early enough to make a difference. Reaching no easy answers, the authors show how the interplay of personal temperament, family involvement and social pressures can create a recipe for children to become unhinged, secretive, disengaged and possibly violent. Though repetitive, dense and hard to follow at points, this book offers a sound theoretical starting point for parents grappling with a difficult child. It also lists many helpful resources, Web sites and groups, along with suggested further reading.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

Here is welcome reading for parents who feel barraged by experts pointing the finger of blame at them for everything from attention deficit disorder to the Columbine shootings. Countering the "judgmental character in much of the public debate over American children and parents," Garbarino and Bedard first explore the hazardous territory of parenthood in modern America, noting with compassion the limits of a parent's influence. The book's second part offers a "compass" with which parents can navigate risky territory, consisting of strategies for developing a positive influence on children's lives. The overall objective is to help parents assess responsibility instead of culpability and establish authority against anarchy. This material is based on interviews with parents and children about issues including behavior problems, cultural influences outside the family, and the importance of spirituality in individual and family development. A practical resource for parents searching for ideas and inspiration. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

One of Garbarino's earlier books, Lost Boys: Why Our Sons Turn Violent and How We Can Save Them, was published in April 2001, the same week as the Columbine massacre. Two years later, Garbarino (human development, Cornell Univ.) and Bedard (Youth Violence Project, Cornell Univ.) reflect on a "society out of control" and discuss how parents like Tom and Sue Klebold, whose son was one of the Columbine killers and who were interviewed for this project, can come to understand their sons' actions. In Part 1, the toxic cultural environment of the last decade is described; in Part 2, parents are offered some usable tools to help them become more in control. The authors posit that "difficult children" (born that way) too easily become "impossible children" (made that way by society). They further argue that children and teens feel deeply insecure, besieged as they are by media portrayals of the world as dangerous and the family as easily broken. All adolescents have secret lives, but they cross the fine line between "normal" and "over the edge" too often. Parents are responsible for their children, conclude the authors, but are not to blame when that line is crossed. Garbarino has traveled the world in search of answers to why kids kill, why boys have such a difficult time growing up, and why violence is so widespread. His is a voice well worth reading. Linda Beck, Indian Valley P.L., Telford, PA
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.