Don't: How using the right words will change your life

A single word can turn a disagreement into a fight, a habit into a trap, or a moment of honesty into a breakthrough. In Don’t, you’ll discover how small shifts in language can change the way you think, speak, and relate to the people who matter most.

Blending practical psychology, communication tools, and behaviour-change research, this guide reveals a simple but powerful idea: The words you repeat every day become the patterns you live by. Each chapter helps you replace language that fuels defensiveness, shame, and disconnection with words that create clarity, trust, and lasting behavioural change at work, at home, and within yourself.

• Turn difficult work conversations into productive ones by learning when to replace “but” with “and” lowering defensiveness without avoiding the truth.
• Repair tension at home with practical scripts that help partners and families move from blame and shutdown to honesty and connection.
• Build emotional intelligence by using “I” statements that take ownership, invite understanding, and make hard conversations safer.
• Rewire everyday self-talk so your language supports confidence, resilience, and wiser decisions instead of reinforcing fear or self-sabotage.

Words are not neutral. They can deepen distance or build trust, reinforce old wounds or open new possibilities. Don’t shows you how to use language with greater intention so you can respond more thoughtfully, strengthen your relationships, and change the patterns that shape your life.

Change the words, and you begin to change the life those words create.

Bob Selden is an Australian expatriate and now permanent resident of New Zealand's North Island. He is the author of three previous books, including the practical management title, What To Do When You Become The Boss: How New Managers Become Successful Managers, which has sold more than 75,000 copies and been published in four languages: English, Polish, Chinese, and Portuguese.An earlier edition of Don't: How Using the Right Words Will Change Your Life was a finalist in the non-fiction category of the prestigious INDIE Book Awards.In addition to his writing, Bob has worked as a banker, consultant, trainer, part-time sports psychologist, and mentor to aspiring managers, leaders, and start-up businesses. He has held roles at two leading business schools: the Institute for Management Development (IMD) in Lausanne, Switzerland, and the Australian Graduate School of Management (AGSM) in Sydney, Australia. He has also consulted with a wide range of organisations across four continents.Bob holds qualifications in Management, Psychology, and Organisational Development.Today, Bob spends less time travelling and more time writing. He lives with his wife, Anita, on a five-acre property in New Zealand's Manawatū region, along with their working dog, Max. A keen cyclist, he also serves as a board member of the local cycling organisation, the Greasy Chain Charitable Trust.More information about Bob's work is available at his website, www.bobselden.com.