Synopsis
When we lose a parent in our adulthood, we are expected to take it in stride, relatively unchanged by the experience. But to lose one's parents in adulthood is to find oneself at a crossroads that has a profound effect on one's life, relationships, & choices. Indeed, it is the defining turning point of adult life after which nothing is ever the same. This book examines what happens to grown men & women when they are on their own in ways they have never been before, such as: How are one's attachments to others altered by the experience? How does one's behavior & decision-making change? How does the loss of a parent affect feelings among siblings? What does it mean to be existentially ''alone'' -- at the top of the generational ladder?
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About the Author
Victoria Secunda is an award-winning author, journalist, and lecturer. Her previous books include When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends and When Madness Comes Home. Her writing has appeared in such publications as Glamour, Women's Day, and Harper's Bazaar. She lives with her husband, photographer Shel Secunda, in Ridgefield, Connecticut.
From Publishers Weekly
While most writers on parental death focus on mourning, Secunda (When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends) points out that this crucial event fosters major reassessment of one's attitude toward siblings, marriage, children and career. Having surveyed 94 people who have lost parents as adults, and interviewed several of them, as well as experts, she reports that each of the four possible familial pairings (father-son, etc.) has its own pattern, and that the loss of both parents has strong ripple effects. Notably, sibling relationships become primary, although affinities can fluctuate depending on birth order, age and previous closeness. Parental loss leaves many emotionally unmoored; in response, some feel a strong urge to marry, while others solidify or abort marriages, or confront their solitude. More than half of Secunda's respondents found that their relationship with their children changed, mostly for the better, while childless adults often paid new attention to nieces and nephews or became mentors. A significant minority reappraised their careers after their parents' death, leading to redirection, rejuvenation and, in some cases, confusion. More than half of the respondents reported intensified friendships, while some winnowed away those who didn't "add meaning to their lives." Ultimately, Secunda concludes, there is gain in loss. Those who made the most progress as "adult orphans" recognized that "whatever they did or didn't get from their parents now was moot." While hardly definitive, Secunda's survey is a stimulating look at a timely issue. 8-city author tour. (Mar.)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.
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