No Man Knows My Pastries: The Secret (Not Sacred) Recipes of Sister Enid Christensen

 “A Marvelous Work with Wonder Bread,” “Jesus-Fed-the-Multitudes Tuna Helper,” and “I Knead Thee Every Hour Rolls” are among the special heirloom recipes reluctantly shared by Sister Christensen in No Man Knows My Pastries. This faux cook book chronicles the special love affair Mormons have with lowbrow eating and provides easy, step-by-step directions for preparation of the likes of bologna mock chicken wings.

Sister Christensen illustrates her favorite culinary hints with photographs of herself with her buns in the kitchen and of Brother Christensen at his TV tray wolfing down her delectable delights. Her ingenious “Jell-O-Matrix” will help readers match flavors and ingredients with appropriate party themes; her “Mauve Wedding Punch” is guaranteed to match bridesmaids’ dresses; and kids will “massacre” her “Mountain Meadows Muffins.” From “In-Breads” to “Just Desserts,” everyone can savor the self-identified “kreme” of Utah cuisine.

“I’ve been mobbed for a recipe after more than one pot luck,” Sister Christensen admits in her preface. It “makes me sad to think there are brethren and sisters who have not discovered the joy of diced Spam casserole.” Out of duty to the betterment of ward dinners everywhere, she was persuaded to go into print. “So, sisters,” she concludes, “get out your aprons and let’s get cooking.”

  Roger B. Salazar, a hairdresser, claims to have acquired cherished recipes from his Salt Lake Valley Relief Society clientele, which is how he conjured up “Sister Enid Christensen,” the alleged co-author of his humorous book, No Man Knows My Pastries: The Secret (Not Sacred) Recipes of Sister Enid Christensen.

Michael G. Wightman, a Salt Lake City music composer (part-time) and house painter (full-time), says he inherited family cookbooks from generations of zucchini-loving progenitors. These, along with his keen sense of humor and natural “Mo-look,” were invaluable contributions to No Man Knows My Pastries: The Secret (Not Sacred) Recipes of Sister Enid Christensen, which he co-authored and for which he posed as “Brother Christensen.”