I'm Not a Mind Reader: Using the Power of Three-Dimensional Communication for a Better Relationship

So, what can couples do when even love itself fails? Babits lays out a totally unique blueprint for renewal in The I'm Not a Mind Reader, explaining that every message from one partner to another can be considered in terms of three separate dimensions:

1. The surface level—this is the literal meaning of what partners say to one another
2. The emotional subtext of the message—its emotional undertone
3. The third dimension—evaluating the first two and comparing them with the goal of creating emotional safety within the dialogue

Armed with this formula, whatever needs to be better understood, resolved, expanded or modified in the relationship can be addressed and communication brings coherence and connection. The person who practices three-dimensional communication lives in full and vibrant color compared with seeing everything in black and white. This new method is vivid and textured; it promotes the capacity to negotiate differences, to clarify misunderstandings, to heal confusions, and to reinvigorate passion and trust.

Marty Babits is the Co-Director of FACTS (Family and Couples Treatment Service), a division of the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy, one of the oldest and most respected training and treatment resources in Manhattan, chartered by the NYS Board of Regents. He teaches and supervises at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy and at Hunter School of Social Work and in the Hunter Graduate Program in Mental Health Counseling. As a therapist, he has worked with hundreds of families and couples over the past twenty-five years. His first book, The Power of the Middle Ground: A Couples Guide to Renewing Your Relationship (Prometheus, 2009) was well-reviewed, including a recommendation from Library Journal. He has also published numerous articles in professional journals and writes "Middle Ground," a blog on the Psychology Today website. Babits is in private practice in New York City.